So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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