honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
