it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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