dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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