Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
