Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
