You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
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Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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