the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
