Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i've created a new STD.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
