We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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