I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
