Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just want to make out with him forever
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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