Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
