it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Acid is not a monday night drug
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
