Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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