I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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