help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
