You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
