Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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