I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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