ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
whose parrot is this?
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He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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