Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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