after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
