The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize