her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
