you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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