I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
