never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
