Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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