So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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