What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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