finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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