I'm so fucking centered right now
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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