hotel room ftw
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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