I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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