Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
