drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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