Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
