I think I died a long time ago.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
