Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
