I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
