singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
