dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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