i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
