I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
