he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
