He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
