He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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