So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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