I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
