is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
