i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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