Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is Oprah even human
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
