Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
