I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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