i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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