She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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