I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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