im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
