Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
