My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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