very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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