Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
