You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
