a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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