i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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