Cold hands, warm shart.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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