I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it's like iHOP with fire
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
